Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
