Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
