do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
