Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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