Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
