I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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