a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
