Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
