I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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