I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
