Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
