Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can text with my tongue
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
