i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
