her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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