Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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