we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
