i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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