it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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