Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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