I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
