About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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