My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
