fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
