The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
