Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
