Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
