If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
