I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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