Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
