Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ladies don't puke and tell
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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