oh god the rape fog is back!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
