My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
