we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
