Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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