it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
