Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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