mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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