Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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