I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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