do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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