If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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