I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
