You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
