capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
