just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
