you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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