I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
