Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
