So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
