apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
