she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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