did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
