woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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