I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
